Welcome to the weekly feature on life. My life – other’s lives….lessons learned……bridges burned….what am I , a songwriter? Not really, folks. However on Thursdays I’ll try to share something about life that is worth sharing.
Last summer, my baby girl went away to Jackson Hole, Wyoming to work. Her first summer away – and although I was excited for her, I found it hard to let her go. After she drove away, I came in and wrote my thoughts.
She went away today….my baby.
As many mothers do, I had some tears. There is something gut wrenchingly symbolic about your baby driving away and waving goodbye to you in the rear view mirror. “Don’t leave!” I wanted to yell. “Just forget all of this silly leaving home business and stay here and work for daddy this summer!” But I came to my senses and realized that would only serve to cripple her budding independence.
Last night she slept in my bed since Tom is away. I wanted to spend every minute I could with her before she left. Even if we were just sleeping. We clasped hands – our fingers entwined like the roots of a beautiful perennial. I welled up looking at her as she fell asleep. When did that little baby with no hair grow up to be such a beautiful young woman with locks to die for? It brought back memories of sleep (and interrupted sleep) since she was a baby. I’m really glad she stopped slapping me in the middle of the night. Makes for a much better night’s sleep. Now, she just has conversations and grinds her teeth. Of course my snoring never bothers her….what a pair!
I didn’t turn the TV on like I normally would have when we got up. I wanted to enjoy every last sound of her being in the house. The I-pod blaring, the sound of the flat iron clapping together as she coiffed her beautiful hair. The sound of the makeup containers opening and closing and the brushes clinking on the bathroom counter. The never ending ”spritzing” of hairspray. Did you know that the extra hairspray that falls to the floor actually forms a layer a little like shellac on the floor?
I bit my lip and pinched my nose several times as I made her favorite breakfast of pancakes in her great grandmother’s skillet. A few tears are the special ingredient in the going away meal a mother makes for her child. They add a little wisdom, mounds of love, and hope for all things good. They turned out pretty good, considering pancakes are usually Tom’s department. I tend to have a penchant for burning and overcooking things.
I wish I could have sent her away with some money. Unfortunately, I had only ten $1 bills left in my wallet upon returning from a week long trip last night. Loser mom. I wish I could have sent her with enough money to get her through the summer. But that would defeat the point of her striking out on her own.
At this point, I feel like I want to wind this up with a perfect quote or paragraph I’ve fetched from the internet. I’m really good at that. But then the words wouldn’t be my own. So here goes…
“Fly, little bird! Strike out on your OWN, do all of the things that you dream about doing! Be who you need to be. Momma bird loves you!”